" A woman simply is, but a man must become. Masculinity is risky and elusive . It is achieved by a revolt from a woman, and it is confirmed only by other men . Manhood coerced into sensitivity is no manhood at all." - Camille Paglia
This quote sums up the notion of masculinity which our society possesses. A lot has been written and spoken on gender , sex , feminism but masculinity hasn't got much attention . These topics should be discussed not just in the literature festivals but on the dinner table and also in the college campus. This article is about the notion of masculinity in our Indian society and its effects on both men and women. Every culture has a different notion of masculinity but I'm concerned with the Indian notion in this article.
My 11 years niece laughed at me when she saw me cleaning utensils and asked me "why am I doing the woman's job ?" Don't be surprised by this question. We have raised our kids in this manner . We have taught them that 'women produce children, women are mothers and wives , women do the cooking , cleaning , washing, etc. and men perform duty , men are busy in offices for work , they earn bread for the family, men are strong, men take the important decisions in the family, etc. These all are stereotypes which are stuck with the biological concept of being 'men' and 'women'.
From colors and toys to books and movies we expect the men and women to follow the societal approved way of behavior. In the history books too we see men hunting or standing with sticks in hand and women feeding the babies or dancing. Intentionally or unintentionally we are feeding the kids the creep idea of femininity and masculinity that men are protectors and providers . In mythical texts men are shown competing for a woman. This culture of projecting men in a certain way exaggerates the biological potential to create a patriarchal hegemony. No doubt that men benefit from this hegemony but there are men who are victims of this notion of masculinity.
Women are pretty, men are tough. Women are sweet , men are naughty. Women are emotional , men are aggressive. Women watch daily soaps, men watch football matches. Women are vulnerable, men are saviors . You can add more to this list. If you are not a perfect fit for this behavior then you are considered weird. Society associates masculinity with fast cars and heavy trucks . Our advertisements too conform the behavior of men with strength and power. You all must have seen the Hrithik Roshan ad promoting mountain dew which says ' dar ke aage jeet hai '. Why must these 'dar' (fear/dangerous stunts) must always be faced by men ? Why do we have sci-fi movies showing male robots as tall and muscular while female robots are thin and short ? Why do people shame a man when he is shy by saying ' kya ladkiyo ki tarah sharma raha hai? , 'kyu ladkiyo jaise ro raha hai ?' and we had a legendary film which quotes ' mard ko dard nahi hota ' . Are men made up of iron ? Even the iron is allowed to melt but men are bullied for crying. The answer lies in our culture. Connel, a sociologist says ' bodily performance is a part of being masculine feminine. It can enable people to act in gendered ways , prevent people from acting in gendered ways or persuade people to reinterpret their own gender.'
The porn industry is adding up to this notion by projecting men who can last longer to orgasm. This mentality takes a toll on many relationships in the real world where a common man does not take steroids . You can laugh at this. But these notions of masculinity, according to Siedler, are harmful and destructive which are damaging personal relationships and making it difficult for men to build strong relationships with women. Not only this but the career choices of men are also affected . Men don't often choose a career in teaching and dancing or cooking because our society associates these jobs with women. Many people find it awkward to watch a man crying at his own wedding and a girl who does not cry at the farewell. Society associates emotional behavior with weakness.
This suppression of emotions often causes cardiac diseases in men as well as affects their mental health too. Let's take an example of a man who has been nurtured from childhood that 'a wife should be submissive to her husband, should not counter his decisions, should meet his sexual demands whenever he asks to do so' . Now when this man is countered with a woman who is nurtured in a family which is pro-liberal and treats a man at par with a woman, the anxiety of this man takes violent form.
The way out for annihilation of this notion of masculinity and femininity is large scale campaigns to promote gender equality. On the government front , it should be the policies integrating men and women equally. And the most important way is to give gender equality education to our kids. The bodies may be biologically different but they may have the same feelings . 'Nature' may have created us as men and women, cis and gay , trans and lesbian,etc but its the 'nurture' which plays a significant role in life of any human being. This article isn't complete here. Because the discussion must go on.
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