(This article is an extension of my last article)
In my last article , I wrote about the effects of masculinity on men and that its 'nurture' not 'nature' that is shaping the overall idea of masculinity. This article is about the way Indian masculinity penetrates into the society and its role in love , relationships, and the counter revolution which is challenging this toxic masculinity.
Recently in Delhi, a man poisoned his wife and her family with thallium which is a poisonous substance. In this incident 4 people died and his wife is critical. In an investigation it was found that the man took revenge from his in-laws as they were allegedly humiliating and taunting him as he was not doing any job. His manly ego got hurt and this crime happened. In an another recent incident in Telangana , a man slit throat after having an argument with her. These incidents are not just about controlling anger .
Pampering as son is a common sight in Indian families. This also relates to the patriarchal culture of India. Majority of mothers don't accept that their sons can do mistakes or misbehave. Defending the son is the prime duty for most of the mothers. Ans the behavior of these boys towards women become toxic if the father usually consider their wives as objects. They beat their wives, don't allow her to take decisions, etc. Overall these kind of men don't even think that their spouse has their own identity and life apart from being a wife, mother , etc. When boys are raised in such atmosphere , they find it very difficult to respect a girl/woman and even find it more difficult to accept her opinion or simply apologize.
When these boys are confronted by women/ girls who are treated at par with the sons in their family, two things happens usually . The first is that these boys go into an absolutely emotional breakdown or these boys become aggressive. And this aggressiveness turns into sexual violence or physical violence or emotional torture. And it becomes very difficult to adjust to the relationship. So the way boys are brought up matters a lot.
Girls, on the other hand, are treated quite differently. If she laughs loudly then she is not that 'sanskari' . The way she walks or sit is also controlled by the parents. Since childhood, it is feeded mind that "You are a girl, you should know cooking, wear proper dress (so that boys don't consider her as an open invitation) etc. This scene is changing slowly now. But this revolution has not reached rural India yet." While girls are still married at a young age, dowry practice continues even today, education of girls stops.
Our films are also of no use. Being a man here means 4 packs should be ABS, when a girl says no to a boy in a relationship, she means yes. And many such stereotypes are shown. All these behaviors are reflected in society. But there are some people like Anubhav Sinha in Bollywood who have slapped this behavior directly.
Many men do not allow their wives to do jobs and others are those who find it difficult to accept women as their boss. There is also one who needs a wife with less skill and payment than himself. Our country will take a long time to get out of the patriarchal society. It has been only 5-6 years that the rate of female infanticide has decreased slightly. There should be love, compassion and responsibility in the journey from boyhood to manhood.
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